An Angry Brit
by buttonfly
Summary: "You're rather good at this, Alfred. Perhaps we should consider meeting even outside of Arthur's angry little fits..." USFr crack/smut based on USUK and FrUK. Oneshot.


Warnings: CRACK, heavily implied sex, and FrUk family orgy.

Alfred froze, hands still gripping the Frenchman's slender hips, and lips slightly open against the mouth that had just shocked him so.

"Are you alright, _Amerique_?" Francis asked, looking curiously at the man who, until just a moment ago, had seemed very interested in the task at hand.

"W-what did you just say?" Alfred asked, pulling away from their assumed embrace against the headboard of his own bed.

Francis looked rather unenthused. "I asked if you were alright-"

Alfred shook his head. "No before that."

Francis suddenly smirked, reassuming the mood as he attacked Alfred's throat with a brief kiss. "Oh that," he murmured, "I said that I simply cannot _wait_ to have you take me…"

Once again, Alfred pushed him off of himself, face more flushed, but expression just as surprised. "_What_?"

"We _are_ making love, here, aren't we, Alfred?" Francis asked, pushing himself up so that he straddled Alfred's waist. "Or are you confused again…?"

"No!" Alfred said firmly, face red at the memory of that last time they'd attempted such a feat, when Arthur had, once again, been cross with the both of them. "I just mean- well- I kinda thought-"

"You thought I would dominate this romance?" Francis asked. Alfred only blushed harder as he nodded. Francis chuckled. "Oh _non, mon amour,_" he said, rocking forward on his hips and spreading his hands on the American's broad chest, "Not with you."

Alfred allowed him to kiss his lips fleetingly, before growing suspicious once again. "But- why?"

Francis sighed, clearly unimpressed with the amount of talking that was occurring and taking the place of more enjoyable activities.

"Because you are a _superpower_, which means that you are rather well endowed _here _-_"_ he dropped one hand quickly into Alfred's lap, palming the very present sign of his arousal- "and I, as a very seasoned gentleman in this area, realize that _you, mon beau Amerique_, will make a very decent fuck."

Alfred gaped for a long moment, before looking rather smug. "So basically, you want me to bang you good?"

"I do believe it's 'well'," Francis said, once again resuming their very close position, "And yes- I would like you to do to me exactly as you would to our dear Arthur."

Alfred grinned proudly. "I can do that."

Francis sighed in relief. "Finally."

They met in another kiss, and began on shedding the few odd articles of clothing left on either of them. Alfred abruptly switched their position, kneeling over a grinning Francis.

"You're rather good at this, Alfred. Perhaps we should consider meeting even outside of Arthur's angry little fits."

Alfred felt his face redden and warm at this suggestion. "I guess so- I mean, if he doesn't find out…"

Francis chuckled softly. "Oh _l'amour_," he said lightly, flinging Alfred's star-spangled boxers away, "You care so much for our little _Angleterre_."

Alfred made a face, something between shyness and surprise at the very sudden chilliness against his vital regions. "You love him too," he muttered.

"_Oui,_ of course," Francis agreed, finding a use for his idle hand that caused Alfred to gasp and then groan, "But I'm not quite so obvious with it."

In order to shut him up and save his face from burning warmer, Alfred leaned down to forcible kiss his grinning mouth. Francis merely laughed into the kiss, and tugged his American lover closer.

This promptly ended, of course, when the door to Alfred's bedroom flew open, and the two entwined on the bed looked up to see a very furious Brit.

"A-Artie!" Alfred stammered, jumping off of the Frenchman beneath him, only to fall off the far side of the bed.

"You- y-you-" Arthur began.

Francis, rather accustomed to the inconvenience of having another nation enter unannounced into the middle of very steamy situation, simply sat up and regarded him with a calm expression.

"We were just talking about you, _Angleterre_, care to join?"

As if on cue, Alfred's somewhat disheveled head appeared across the mattress, looking just as bewildered as he currently felt.

Arthur gaped for a long, quiet moment, one of his very impressive eyebrows twitching the slightest bit.

"Or we could continue without you…" Francis began, laying back in what he _knew_ was an indecently seductive pose.

"Oh no you don't!" Arthur hollered, one hand already pulling off his tie as he quickly approached the bed.

Alfred hopped back onto the mattress, much like a large, naked, and very excited puppy. "You're not mad anymore?" he asked Arthur hopefully.

Arthur, shrugging out of his own shirt as Francis worked quickly on removing his shoes and pants, frowned at him. "Of course I am," he said flatly, and Alfred's face fell. But he was quickly picked up as the Englishman kissed him enthusiastically, "But that can wait until later…"

"Alright, gentlemen, let us finish this right," Francis said with a smirk. Arthur pulled him up to kiss him, as well, before the three of them fell onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs…

Not much longer- although it could have been, with Francis' insistence on sufficient foreplay- a very naïve and unsuspecting Canadian knocked quietly on his brother's door. When there was no response, he assumed he'd be as safe as he always was in pushing the door open and letting himself inside.

"Al?" he asked, glancing around the empty foyer, followed by the empty kitchen… living room…

"I just wanted to bring him some of this syrup…" he said, clutching the golden bottle, and continuing on up the stairs.

He should have taken heed of the muffled but still unmistakable sounds coming from his brother's room as he knocked softly again on this door, but did not, and, when it was finally answered, he had only an opportunity to shout a very startled _"Eh?"_ before being thrown onto the bed, and smothered by the rest.

And of course, both Francis and Alfred would receive a smack to the face after the fact.

**A/N**: I BLAME JJ. Again. This time, I basically took our RP and tried to make a fic out of it. Seriously, don't try to write for Hetalia at two AM. THIS HAPPENS. O_O Anyway, hope you... like it...? POSITIVE REVIEWS, PLEASE! I have a self-esteem to nurture...


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